...after this word from the Ketchup Advisory Board. (MUSIC)
SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. Or for Jim and I, as I used to say when I was in college. I bought Jim some new pants instead of those pleated ones that poof out in the front and make him look like a sea mammal and right afterward he went on a diet based on the feeding habits of the brown squirrel. It contains fungus, tree bark, berries, birds eggs, insects and acorns, and it's all whipped up together to make a froth. Tastes just like tofu. And he lost weight on it, but he also got these little beady black eyes, which maybe was why they promoted him to Vice President of Special Projects, so they wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. Anyway, with his salary raise we converted the kids' rooms into a meditation room and fitness center where we lie on our backs and take deep breaths and meditate about exercising. (TINKLING BELLS)
TR: I'm so relaxed.
SS: So am I.
TR: I can't get up off the floor.
SS: Why do you need to get up off the floor?
SS: Oh. How bad?
TR: Pretty bad.
TR: I should have started exercising.
SS: That's okay. You will.
TR: I should've run on the treadmill and lifted big weights.
SS: I'm sure you will.
TR: The President exercises every day, you know.
SS: I know.
TR: He's the leader of our country, Barb. If he can take time to exercise, then I should too.
SS: I'm sure you will.
TR: You are?
SS: I think you're just about to turn the corner, Jim.
SS: I think that those tax cuts are working and they're stimulating you and you're just about to get up and run ten miles on the treadmill.
SS: I don't think the situation is as bad as some people would make it out to be. Some people would look at us and see a man and a woman lying flat on their backs on the floor. I don't see it that way.
TR: And how do you see it, Barb?
SS: I see the ceiling. I see all the little holes in the ceiling tiles. I see the light fixtures. And those light fixtures tell me that tomorrow is a new day, and you and I are winning the battle.
TR: What are we fighting against, Barb?
SS: We're fighting terror.
TR: Of course. I forgot.
SS: We're fighting terror by lying on our backs and looking up at the ceiling.
TR: And we're succeeding.
SS: You bet we're succeeding. Thanks to good old catchup. It has all-natural mellowing agents that calm a person down and keep uncertainty at arm's length.
RD: These are the good years, we're winning on all fronts The economy is booming, just as it was once. Spring is coming in a couple months.
GK: Catchup: for the good times.
RD: (SINGS) Catchup... Catchup