(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: We want to welcome the director of the Super Bowl, Mr. Bud Forensic, director of Super Bowl XXXVIXCV --- how do you feel about the game tomorrow?
TR: It's gonna be great. We've got three thousand men in the end zone ready to take off their shirts and boogie in the aisles and show off their love handles and some of that great male cleavage, so we're ready!
GK: Bud is the veteran director of many bowl games including the Cereal Bowl, the Dog Bowl, the Toilet Bowl, the Bowling Bowl ---- and now the big one----
TR: That's right. And the end zone fans have become a very important part of our bowl game coverage.
GK: You do focus on those people more, don't you?
TR: Yes, we do, because they're drunk and crazy and fun to see for the folks at home. Guys with letters painted on their chests and so forth---- waving plungers, you name it-----
GK: The folks at the 50-yard-line-----
TR: Kind of a corporate crowd at midfield, and of course with the Super Bowl the length it is now----
GK: It's what? About three hours?
TR: Actually it's eleven hours but we try to make it feel like three.
GK: Oh. I see.
TR: Not many people willing to sit on a hard seat for that long and watch a football game that gets interrupted for a commercial every four plays or so.
GK: So the people at midfield----
TR: Actually most of those are cardboard cutouts.
GK: I see.
TR: But the folks in the end zone, the ones dancing and throwing toilet paper with their faces painted to look like their rear ends, those people are real.
GK: I guess so. Good luck.
© Garrison Keillor 2003