(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK:....right after this message from the ELCA, the Evelyn Lundberg Counselling Agency. (STING) What is that ---- on your face?
TR: It's a lightning bolt, Dad. It's a tattoo.
GK: On your forehead?????? And what's that on your shoulder?
TR: A snake.
GK: And the other shoulder?
TR: Black Sabbath.
GK: Oh my gosh.
TR: Uncle Bud has tattoos.
GK: Your uncle Bud was in the Merchant Marine. Know what that is? It's unemployment, surrounded by water. ----What are we going to do with you? (MUSIC) Guess I'll send him to the ELCA --- and see if she can knock some sense into him.
SS (OLDER WOMAN): Listen to me, you pathetic little snot, time to get your head out of your butt. You smell something? Huh? Do you? What is it?
TR: It's coffee.
SS: Good. Listen to me. Dye injected under your skin is permanent. And maybe it looks cool now, but the world moves on and someday you'll have kids of your own and Black Sabbath is not going to be cool to your kids at all. To them, Black Sabbath is going to be like Tony Orlando except creepy and brain damaged. I had an uncle who had a big tattoo on his belly of an American eagle holding Adolf Hitler in its talons and it sort of blurred over time and it came to look like Burt Reynolds being stepped on by a chicken. Uncle Harry never took off his shirt after that. A word to the wise.
GK: The Evelyn Lundberg Counselling Agency doesn't try to understand young people, just impart some common sense.
SS (OLDER): Oh just grow up....
GK: The Evelyn Lundberg Counselling Agency....in the Yellow Pages under Discipline.
© Garrison Keillor 2002