(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; FN: Fred Newman; MT: Mark Thompson)
(A FEW LIGHT CHORDS. OUTDOOR AMBIENCE. DISTANT GULLS, WAVELETS AGAINST BOAT.)
GK: Kind of hot out here.
TR: Have a beer.
GK: Too hot for beer.
TR: Put on your hat then.
GK: Man, I'm getting no bites whatsoever. Not even a nibble. You want to pull up anchor and move?
TR: We just got here.
GK: We've been here four hours.
TR: That's what I mean.
GK: Maybe I'll just swim to shore.
TR: Kind of a long way.
GK: Doesn't look that far to me. Three-quarters of a mile. I'll take my seat cushion.
TR: Jever think--- maybe your minnow died.
GK: Wouldn't be surprised.
TR: Try one of my marshmallows.
GK: I don't fish with marshmallows.
TR: Suit yourself. ---- Walleyes love em.
GK: Next thing you'll be fishing with a cream puff.
TR: Maybe I already am. (REEL) See--- what'd I tell you ---- (STRAINING, REELING) Marshmallows----- man, that's what does it every time. (SPLASH)
GK: Wow. Looks like a two-three-pounder.
TR: Nice little fish. (FISH FLOPPING)
GK: Where's the stringer?
TR: Don't need the stringer.
GK: What do you mean? (SPLASH) What'd you throw it over for? That was a keeper.
TR: Not big enough.
GK: You didn't even weigh it.
TR: Didn't need to. (REEL) Whoa---- what is this?---- (STRAINING, REELING) Boy, this is a fighter. This a good one. (SPLASH) (TELEPHONE RING)
GK: You've hooked a f pound cell phone.
TR: (TELEPHONE) (PICKUP) Hello? ---- Who? ---- No. Wrong number. (SPLASH)
GK: Why'd you throw it in the lake?
TR: Don't need a cell phone. (REEL) Whoa---- man, when they come, they come in bunches! ---- (STRAINING, REELING) Boy, this is more than a four pounder, I'll tell you. (SPLASH)
GK: It's a lawnmower. A brand-new one. How did that get down there?
TR: Looks like it still works. (PULL STARTER ROPE, ENGINE STARTS UP) Yeah. Works great. (BIG SPLASH, MOTOR DIES)
GK: What'd you throw that back for? It was perfectly good.
TR: Don't need a lawnmower.
GK: Well, maybe I did. Did you ever think of that?
TR: Should've said something. (REEL) Boy O boy, here's another one---- (STRAINING, REELING) Man, this is a keeper, that's for sure. (SPLASH)
GK: A radio?
TR: Still works, I betcha. (TUNING THROUGH THE DIAL: MUSIC. newSCASTER. HEAVY METAL. RUSH LIMBAUGH. MUSIC) You want a radio?
GK: Sure, I do. Hey, don't throw it---- (BIG SPLASH) What'd you throw it back for?
TR: Didn't hear you.
GK: It was a perfectly good radio.
TR: Already got one.
GK: Well, so what? You could give it to someone.
TR: (REEL) Boy, they're hittin now---- one right after the other. (STRAINING, REELING) Man, this is a heavy one. Hope the line don't break. (SPLASH)
MT: (SINGING) O Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling,
GK: A tenor!
MT (SINGING): From glen to glen and down the mountain side---- (BIG SPLASH)
TR: You didn't want me to keep that, didja?
GK: No, I guess not. --- What were you using for bait just then? A marshmallow?
TR: No. For tenors ---- I use a wad of cash.
GK: I see. What about sopranos?
TR: For sopranos, you use a mirror.
GK: A mirror, huh?
TR: That's what attracts em.
GK: What about politicians?
TR: Same as tenors and sopranos.
GK: Listen----- you don't hear it?
TR: Hear what?
GK: Thought I heard a banjo.
TR: You did?
GK: Thought I did.
TR: Well, maybe we should head in then.
GK: You want to head in?
TR: May as well.
TR: Unless you want to stay.
GK: No, no. (PULL OF STARTER ROPE, OUTBOARD MOTOR REVS AND BOAT PULLS AWAY) (MUSIC BUTTON)
© Garrison Keillor 2002