(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith; AL: Al Franken)
GK: It's spring, and it's time to (JUNK FLOW) clean up around the house, police the grounds, dispose of junk. (TRASH DROP) The problem is, you've been living with this junk so long you don't notice it.
SS: Those are magazines I'm saving so I can go through and clip out interesting articles. And those old wine bottles I'm going to wrap with twine and use as candleholders.
GK: Time to call in Monback Brothers Trash Hauling-----
(TRUCK BACKING WITH BEEPS)
TR: Monback....monback.....monback....(CRUNCH OF WOOD) That's good.
GK: Monback Brothers come in and get the job done.
TR: What's this? A trombone? It's outta here. (THROW ON JUNKPILE) This book any good? (SWIFT WHIRR OF PAGES) Nope. (THROW ON PILE) What's this? (GLASS BREAKAGE) Sorry. Didn't know it was breakable. (THROW ON PILE) How about that typewriter? You ever use that? (TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACK)
GK: I love that typewriter.
TR: (TYPING) You're missing the O and the E.
GK: I'm going to replace them.
TR: How long ago they break?
GK: I was moving, I dropped it, and a couple keys----
TR: I know that. When?
GK: I just graduated from college.
TR: Forty years this's been sittin here?
GK: It's an old friend.
TR: Friends don't leave friends in the attic for forty years! Out.
(THROW ON JUNK HEAP) What about this? (STIFF OLD PAPER) A stamp collection? Junk. (TOSS ON TRASH HEAP) And what have we here? (THUMBS THROUGH PAPERS) "Her supple fingers stroked his shoulder blades as they reclined in the hammock, reminding him suddenly of the Bach solo violin partitas-----"? What's this?
GK: It's a novel.
TR: "He knew he wasn't good enough for her and yet he wondered if perhaps she needed him in some way she herself could not quite understand----"
GK: Okay, it needs some editing.
TR: I'll edit it for you. (TOSS ON TRASH HEAP) ---- This is Larry Monback of Monback Brothers Trash Hauling. If you keep telling yourself, "One of these days I'm going to sort out this stuff" ----- call for us, we'll sort it out for you. (TRUCK BACKING) Monback.....monback......monback. (CRUNCH) That's good.
© Garrison Keillor 2002