(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott; TR: Tim Russell; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: ...back right after this message from the Profession of English Majors. (VIOLIN UNDER.......)
TR: I'm not good enough for you, Deirdre. You deserve someone with charm, wit, personality.
SS (IMPASSIONED): I don't care about charm, I want you, Lester!
TR: I'm twenty years older than you, Deirdre. I live in a school bus and my pony tail is a clip-on. It clips onto the back of my toupee. I'm bald as an egg, Deirdre.
SS: That's okay! I love you! And I love the Sixties. I've read about it, and my parents still have their clothes from back then!
TR: Okay, but our musical tastes are so different.
SS: I'm learning to appreciate the Grateful Dead! Really! I understand now why they never tuned their guitars!
TR: I don't know. Understanding guys don't mean you should live with them.
SS (TONE CHANGES): Lester----
SS: Understanding guys DOESN'T mean you should live with them.
TR: That's what I said.
SS: Lester, subjects and verbs have to be in agreement. The subject of that sentence is not 'guys,' it's understanding, and
"understanding," which is a gerund, by the way, is singular and it takes a singular verb.
TR: I got no idea what you're talking about.
SS: You're right. You are wrong for me. I'm out of here.
GK: Language: it says so much about you. Nothing speaks louder than words. A message from the Profession Of English Majors.
© Garrison Keillor 2002