(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)

.....if you're taking Dad out to dinner on Father's Day, maybe your first thought was to go some place fancy (TR FRENCH)---- but hey, it's for Dad you're going out --- (TR MINN: Yeah, don't go to a lot of trouble for me or anything.) --- you're not going to take your Dad in his green shorts and his blue plaid shirt and sneakers into some hoity toity place where he'll feel odd, are you (TR MINN: Boy, lookit that, walleye, eighteen bucks. Hard to believe, ain't it? Eighteen bucks. You could make it yourself for a buck and a half, I'll bet. Boy, that's some profit they're making there. And lookit there: chicken soup for $4.50? No way.) No, Dad wants to go to Mel's Big Boy Buffet at the Mall, where you put your plate on a tray and you get your chow (TR MINN: Boy, that's what I call good lookin turkey. SQUISH. TR MINN: Good mashed potatoes, too. SQUISH. TR: Now that's what I call real gravy. SLOP. TR MINN: Sure, gimme the squash. SQUISH. TR MINN: And the string beans. Boy, that sure hits the spot. SPLAT. TR MINN: And some of that bread pudding. Boy. SQUISH.) There's no chewing necessary at Mel's Big Boy Buffet and the decor is Mall Colonial and the prices cannot be beat (TK: Four dollars and forty seven cents. CASH REGISTER. TR: Boy, that's quite the deal. I heard of places where you'd pay that just for a bowl of chicken soup. TK: How ya doin, Jimmy? Ya look pretty good. TR MINN: Doin real good, Mel. This here's my son, Carson. GK: Hi. TK: Hi there. Haven't seen you here since last year.) --- Mel's Big Boy Buffet at the Mall ---- all your Dad's old buddies are there (TR MINN: Hey Elmer, long time no see----Edgar, you're lookin good----Hey Arv, how's tricks----Maynard, ain't seen you in a coon's age). You can enjoy fine cuisine some other time. Father's Day means Mel's Big Boy Buffet at the Mall. It's where Dad feels at home. (TR MINN: You won't believe what this meal cost me. Go ahead, guess. You want to know how much? Four dollars and forty-seven cents. That's how much. Isn't that something? Boy, you can't beat that. I'll say. No, sir.) Only at Mel's. (TK: Hi, this is Mel. If you're planning to use your senior coupons, make sure you have em out and ready as you come up to the cashier so you don't hold up everybody. Thanks.) Tomorrow's special: (TK: Turkey.) Thanks, Mel. (TK: No problem.) MUSIC OUT

(c) 2000 by Garrison Keillor