(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell)
Tonight's show brought to you by Bertha's Kitty Boutique, for persons who care about cats. And now here is Dr. Phil with Cat Call-in Corner.
TR (CAPOTE-LIKE): Here's a listener on the line. Beverly of Butte, Montana ... Hi, Beverly.
SS: (ON PHONE) Hi, Dr. Phil. Thanks for taking my call. About five years ago I got a lady cat named Miss Kitty and pretty soon she became Mrs. Kitty and pretty soon I had seven cats and let me tell you, people thought I was nuts but what can I say, I loved them, they were my family, especially after Merle moved out which he did, he said, because the cats smelled bad, but who was he to talk? I lived with him for fifteen years and I oughta know. Anyway, now I have fourteen cats and I have to take a lot of antihistamine to control my allergies, and I was involved in a lot of car crashes for awhile, but now I've got a prescription one now that doesn't make me so sleepy and I don't drive so much now that I got this new telemarketing job that I do out of my home --- I sell beauty products. Anyway, it's a small house but I've been so busy I haven't got around to cleaning for about three years and I don't seem to have time to read the newspaper either so it keeps piling up and right now, out of four rooms, I'm pretty much living just in the kitchen and sleeping on the counter at night and I use the bathroom for my office, which is fine, but the problem is ever so often my cats get really really goofy, and four of them, I've got em on Valium, but they still act up sometimes, and I read an article that says you gotta watch your cat's diet very closely as they get older, and mostly I feed these guys hamburger or fish sticks. What kind of catfood do you recommend? I'll hang up and listen.
TR (CAPOTE-LIKE): You're so right, Beverly. A cat's diet is so important. And beef and fish are not a cat's natural diet. I mean, in its natural state, ever so often a cat might get lucky and bring down a Holstein that's older and slower, but mainly your cat needs rodents in the diet. Rodents provide a hormone called ratatouille which prevents a form of cat weirdness known as miasma. And the best canned rodent food on the market today is Mouse Morsels from Bertha's Kitty Boutique. Feed your cat a can of Mouse Morsels every day and you see if those guys don't settle down.
GK: Cat Call-In Corner with Dr. Phil, brought to you by Bertha's Kitty Boutique, makers of Mouse Morsels, for persons who care about cats.
(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor