(GK: Garrison Keillor, SS: Sue Scott, TK: Tom Keith, TR: Tim Russell, VS: Vern Sutton)

We'll continue right after this message.

TR: Fishing season is coming up, and if you're short on time and you don't want to drive up north, sit in a boat, get sunburned, now you can have the fishing experience of a lifetime without the hassle. Hi, this is Tim Russell for Virtual Fishing.

Here's how it works.

The Virtual Fishing chopper (CHOPPER) air-drops your rig into a remote northern lake, a durable inflatable raft guided by the Global Positioning System (BEEPS) and by the OFFS, the Onboard Fish Finding System (SONAR) as you watch through the UVC, the Underwater Video Cam, as the automatic arm lowers the SBH, the Self Baiting Hook (SFX) down to the Optimum Depth, and you sit at home and watch on your TV as giant walleyes slice through the water and you control the action of your bait with your TV remote (SFX) as you enjoy a cold one (POP TOP CAN). And when the big walleye hits (SFX), and you land him (SFX), just hit the C&RB, the Catch & Release Button, and the Self Baiting Hook kicks that fish off and baits itself for the next big trophy!

Take it from me, Tim Russell, you've never had this much fun fishing as in the comfort of your own home ...

SS: Hi, beautiful.

TR: Oh. Hi, honey. Hey - nice lingerie.

SS: You like it?

TR: I do.

SS: I'm so glad you didn't go up north for the fishing opener this year.

TR: Oh?

SS: Let me show you how glad I am.

TR: Hey - London and France.

SS: Come here, beautiful.

TR: Thanks, Virtual Fishing. (MUSICAL BUTTON)

(c) 1999 by Garrison Keillor