....back right after this message.


TR: For years I haven't been able to cry and I've missed it and I've felt---- I've felt like less of a man because of it ---- and now, thanks to Niagara.....(HE BREAKS DOWN)

SS: Thanks to a simple drug called Niagara, Bill can cry again.

TR (CRYING): I can cry again.

SS: And suddenly life seems fuller and richer.

TR (CRYING): Yes, it does.

SS: Niagara. Ask your doctor. Use only as directed. Long-term side effects may include loss of hair on ankles (TR REACTS WEEPILY TO EACH ITEM IN LIST), testiness, graying of hair, occasional memory loss, abnormal growth of eyebrows, stiffness in joints, slowness or hesitation of movement, inability to hold water, loss of interest in sex.

TR: What?

SS: Loss of interest in sex.

TR: Oh no. (SOBBING)

SS: Let me tell you about this other pill we have for that. (MUSIC)

GK: Niagara. From Buffalo Pharmaceuticals.

(c) 1998 by Garrison Keillor