. . . Brought to you by Fred Farrell, the name to trust for all your animal call needs. (JUNGLE MONKEYS, BIRDS)

TR: This is Fred Farrell. Yellowstone Park is a wonderful place to visit and bring the kiddoes and stay in a hotel and eat decent food and not have to sleep in a sleeping bag on top of a tree root and live on burnt wieners, but even so, you have to be careful about things like elk. (ELK) Elk weigh about four hundred pounds and they have a brain the size of a Jujube and (ELK) very poor eyesight, and this is a very lonely animal (ELK), so during the summer the male elk can get in a romantic mood. (ELK) And this is a guy who believes in going all the way on the first date. There are two ways to defend against elk --- and the first one is time-consuming and requires you to drink a lot of liquids. The best way is to get one of my Fred Farrell Elk Calls ---- this call can be heard for miles (ELK CALL), and it says: My name is Big Al and I got here first and anybody who messes with me is dog food. You get up and blow this (ELK CALL) a few times during the night and you'll never have a problem with elk.

Then, there's bison. A bison looks like it's slow unless it gets upset (SNORT, PAWING) and then it gets fast very quick, and so you need a bison call to put the big guy at rest. This one says, "O Great Bison, Truly You Are The Master of Creation" (SNORTS) and this one says, "Like your hair that way ---- did you put bison on it, or did you use moose?" (SNORTS) It's an old bison joke. Gets em everytime. (BISON CHUCKLE)

GK: Order now and get absolutely free, our Eight In One Animal Calls, eight calls for the price of one, including cricket (SFX), crocodile (SFX), Clydesdale (SFX), cockatoo (SFX), cougar (SFX), corgi (SFX), Cornish game hen (SFX), and crow (SFX). Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (JUNGLE MEDLEY)

© 1997 by Garrison Keillor