A man walked into a bar
And he said to the bartender, "Give me a beer."
And he said, "Mister, I got no time for fun,
This is the bar association,
And I am a lawyer, and we don't go for jokes in here."

So the man walked into another bar,
And he said to the bartender, "Give me a drink,"
And he said, "Mister, I don't have a drop.
Can't you see this is a barber shop?
Do barrooms have striped poles? Now, what do you think?"

So the man walked into another bar,
And he said to the bartender, "Give me a whiskey sour."
And he said, "This is St. Bartholomew
Episcopal Church and you're in my pew,
And this is the Eucharist, not the fellowship hour.

So the man he walked down the street
And decided he'd never ask for a drink any more.
He went home and sat in a chair
Had a cup of tea and a chocolate eclair
And then he heard someone outside walk up to the door.

GK: So the man sits drinking his wine
And into the bar comes a grasshopper, hop, hop, hop
. And the bartender said, "Can it really be true?
We've got a drink named after you!"
And the grasshopper said, "Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"

So the man sat and drank his wine,
And in came a skeleton and asked for a mop and a beer.
And then a horse walked into the place
And the bartender said, "How come the long face?
And a hot dog came and he said, "We don't serve food here."

So the man put down his wine.
He said, "There isn't a single joke that I don't know.

He hopped his giraffe and waved goodbye,
The little dog laughed and winked his eye,
The mathematician sliced the pie,
And I hope you all enjoy our annual joke show.


© 1997 by Garrison Keillor