TR: This is Fred Farrell. It's spring, and your flowers are just coming up but you walk out one morning and you see that someone or something has chewed off the blossoms ---- deer, or gophers, or moles --- ferrets, mice, badgers, woodchucks, all turning your hard work into their private snack bar. What to do? You could get a shotgun and blow 'em away but what if your children should come around the house just at that moment and see the tiny critters splatter in the grass? You'll be hearing about it for years. No, you can remove pesky critters from garden or vegetable patch with my Fred Farrell Flying Condor Call. This realistic-looking condor, with ten-foot wingspread, circles your backyard continuously at the end of a forty-foot arm attached to your bird feeder, casting a terrific shadow and emitting its terrible cry (CONDOR CRY) every thirty seconds. Believe me, no animal is going to sneak over to snack on your crocuses with Old Conrad the Condor up there. (CONDOR CRY) Buy our automated condor and get free of charge, my Fred Farrell Twelve in One Animal Call ---- yes, twelve useful animal calls all on one lanyard, including whippet (SFX), whippoorwill (SFX), sperm whale (SFX), water spaniel (SFX), woodpecker (SFX), wombat (SFX), wapiti (SFX), weasel (SFX), water buffalo (SFX), walleye (SFX), white Leghorn (SFX), and wild condor (SFX).

GK: Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to animal calls. (MONKEYS, JUNGLE BIRDS).

© 1996 Garrison Keillor