Hi!
I'd love to know why you've stopped singing the Guy Noir theme song. And can we get an update on Bob, the young artist? I don't remember hearing much about him since his play was accepted. I worry about him. Is he eating right? Has he met a nice girl?
Florence Cook
Kansas City, MO

Florence, I quit singing the Guy Noir song because it's too hard for me. Rich Dworsky wrote the music and he is, as you know, a gifted composer, as well as a great pianist, and he wrote some intervals into that melody that a person such as myself, brought up on Ira Sankey hymns and "Go Tell Aunt Rhody," is simply unable to leap with accuracy. As for Bob, I haven't heard any more about him since Rainbow Motor Oil cancelled the series "Bob, The Story of A Young Artist". I doubt that he's eating anything other than snack food, and I doubt that a nice girl would want anything to do with him.

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Mr. Keillor:
Help! I've spilled rhubarb pie on a borrowed seersucker. I am beginning to run out of excuses to give the person who loaned it to me, and would appreciate any advice you might be able to give.
Thanks!
Steven Ross
Los Angeles, CA

Steven, Why would you borrow a seersucker suit? What was the occasion? A reunion of old Princeton grads? A Ralph Nader fundraiser? Thoreau said, "Beware of any enterprise that requires new clothes." I say, Never go anywhere you wouldn't feel comfortable in navy blue. That's the sort of suit I wear. I've spilled coffee and wine and rhubarb pie and everything else on it and you'd never know. It just adds to the lustre.

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Sir:
In your book 'Wobegon Boy' Red Cliff, New York is a very, very thinly veiled parody of Ithaca, New York and Cornell University. What did this centrally isolated town do to deserve your satiric wit and wrath? I guess that you did not have a good time when your show visited campus back in May of 1997. Am I missing something? Sincerely,
Dave Long
Cornell MPA '95

Dave, There's no wrath directed toward Red Cliff at all, and anyway, it's not Ithaca, it's Auburn, which I liked very much, and so does John Tollefson, the hero of the novel. That's why he moves there. The college, St. James, is a little weak, but it offers him a job, and he's grateful for that. And I had a terrific time at Cornell, doing the show. Loved it. The whole thing. It's the alma mater of my hero, E.B. White, of course, and it's also one of the most beautiful campuses anywhere. And the Cornell men's glee club came on the show and sang, "High above Cayuga's waters" which makes me want to be a student again.

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Dear Garrison,
I notice that during the periods when the show is on a well-deserved vacation, the rebroadcasts all seem to be from shows within the past two years... Is there any reason we don't ever hear rebroadcasts of shows from 15 -20 years ago?
Mike Stier

Mike, Twenty years ago I was trying to figure out how to tell a story. Fifteen years ago I still didn't have a clear idea. We don't rebroadcast shows that would tend to show the host in a poor light. I personally wish we wouldn't rebroadcast anything. Radio is a medium of the moment. That's why we still do the show live, even though common sense would dictate otherwise. If I had a brain in my head, I'd of course do the thing in a studio, edit it, overdub the audience response, and it'd be a huge success. But we go on blundering along the same old path of live radio because I'm from that era. And then we rebroadcast our mistakes. Is there a reason for it? I don't know. I've given up trying to figure out this business. I just go to work every day.

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Dear Garrison,
What ever happened to Guy Noir's girlfriend "Sugar?" She hasn't been around the Five Spot lately. Did she dump him? Did she move back east?
Just wondering,
Karl Bucher

Karl, Sugar was played by Sue Scott and I love the character and intend to bring her back, though she did disappear for awhile, probably because I wasn't sure how an ex-girlfriend figured into the plot. Sugar did dump Guy, but it was pretty amicable. She went to work for Jesse (The Body) Ventura for awhile as a consultant on etiquette. She'll be back.

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Hi guys,
I have one simple question: Will you ever again do a "annual Polka Show" in some small town MN dance hall? It's really a true piece of MN Americana.
Steven
Minnesota

Steven, You're referring to the broadcast of several years ago that we did from the ballroom in Gibbon, Minnesota, and I'm glad you liked it. It was traumatic for me because the place was so packed and we had all these seating snafus, mainly because there's an inbred conflict when you try to do a concert and a dance at the same time. One has people sitting in chairs and the other has people whizzing around hopping up and down. It went okay until it came time for the News from Lake Wobegon, and then what do you do? People can't dance to it and you're standing there telling a story about a small town to small town people who know better stories than that, and the whole thing feels ridiculous. You can stand on a stage in New York or Los Angeles or Chicago or London and talk about Lake Wobegon and the audience is very reverent, but you do it in Gibbon, Mn, and it feels silly. You know what I mean? I should have left Minnesota years ago. If I'd been a better person, I would've, but I'm not, and there you are.

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Garrison,
I see Doonesbury is having fun with your old stomping grounds of Anoka via the Duke 2000 campaign. Are most of the citizens registered to vote in Lake Wobegon and are they a partisan bunch?

Also, you mentioned a mixed drink known as the Galesburg Gearbox in your Radio Romance novel. I was wondering if that was something that originated in the railroad yards here in Galesburg, Illinois.
Cordially yours,
Tom Engebretson
Galesburg, Illinois

Tom, Anoka is a hotbed of political fever and it's mostly Democrats but with strong populist and libertarian underpinnings. Sort of like our PHC truckdriver Russ Ringsak. He despises Al Gore for his preachiness and is too proud to vote Republican and a lot of Anokans would sympathize with that. (I, on the other hand, am a yellow-dog Democrat from way back.) As for the drink, yes, it originated in the railroad yards and I believe it involves vodka and sloe gin and maybe some rum but I stayed away from that drink and only know it from the powerful effect it had on people. One of them and you got sort of dreamy, two and you became a humorist, three and you had to be forcibly prevented from hopping a freight for the coast. I hope you stay away from it, myself. I have.

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Dear Garrison, It has been a long time since you have been in Vermont (that I am aware of). When are you coming here again? What can we do to entice you?
Barb

Barb, The last time I went to Vermont, there was a big outcry in the papers on account of a rumor that the show intended to move to Vermont. Vermonters were up in arms. I remember a comment from a distinguished Vermont writer named Howard Frank Mosher, who said, "This would be the last nail in the coffin for Vermont." I thought to myself, if it troubles Howard Frank Mosher so much to contemplate the possibility (non-existent) that I might move to Vermont, then I don't need to visit Vermont again and cause Howard Frank Mosher all this trouble. If Vermont is troubled by outsiders, that's fine by me. I don't need to trouble anybody. In Minnesota, Howard Frank Mosher would be heartily welcomed, even if he wished to live here.

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Dear Mr. Keillor,
Are there any Presbyterians in or around Lake Wobegon, or for that matter, anywhere in Minnesota?

And, why are the Catholics in Lake Wobegon of German descent, and the Lutherans, Norwegian?
Gael
Martinsville, Virginia

Gael, There is a host of Presbyterians in Minnesota, but none that I know if in Lake Wobegon. The Catholics are of German descent because that's where their ancestors came from. Likewise, the Lutherans. It wasn't a matter of choice, believe me.

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Dear Mr. Keillor,
I am a transplanted Midwestern Catholic from Illinois who has been living in KY the past nine years. I have finally gotten used to the southern culture, but my employer wants me to accept a promotion in either MN or NJ. Since you have lived in or near both places, I was wondering which you think might be easier to adjust to for a single yr old male from the Midwest.
Signed
Undecided in KY

Undecided, If you didn't leap immediately at the prospect of Minnesota, then I think you should go to New Jersey and try to figure that out. There are lovely towns there, graceful places, and you'd be an hour away from New York and be able to enjoy the opera and theater and music and the high life of Manhattan. Minnesota has its own gracefulness, of course, but I'm not the one to try to sell anybody on it. My wife and I are very happy living here in St. Paul. We also like New York a lot. But life is what you make it. We made a decision to settle here and we love each other and so---- when you're in love, you don't yearn for something else. Ask your spouse where to go.

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Hey Garrison
I hate to be the one to inject a morbid note into your mailbag, but I noticed that I never hear about anyone in Lake Wobegon dying. At this juncture, would it be indelicate of me to inquire about Senator K. Torvaldson's health?
Al Rossi
Spokane, WA

Al, I don't mind you inquiring at all. Senator K. is still among the living. He's frail, his memory is sketchy, he's hard to get in and out of cars, but he's still moving and breathing and talking.

I think I have reported on funerals in Lake Wobegon. Byron Tollefson, for one, and surely others. I don't dwell on the subject because I am getting older myself and don't like to be reminded. But every Memorial Day there is a big service up in the cemetery, and I believe I always remember to mention it. I hope I do.